Today I needed to do some back-end work on the website and decided to re-read for the first time my blog post on the accident earlier this year. I hadn’t realised how far I’ve come in just under three months, so it seems like a good time for an update. Before jumping in, I’m simply grateful to be alive, as I nearly lost it in February.
Some Lessons Learned
Here is a random little collection of things I’ve thought for the first time, or remembered was me all along:
- I love Mondays. I won’t be spending my life detesting a seventh of it just because a human-invented thing aka the calendar tells me a day has some kind of significance. If I “hate” work, I need to shake stuff up!
- It’s my job to handle my pain, whether physical or emotional, as best I can without letting my surroundings suffer. They didn’t do anything to put me in this situation, so they shouldn’t share my pain unhealthily. Something to aspire to, a quote by Nizariat: “The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it.”
- Glorifying busy: there is busy and then there is busy, the kind where you almost forget to eat due to being immersed in something you love deeply. I have come to detest the former, but live by the latter.
- Self-acceptance, self-love. I need and want to be busy being me.
- The people who knew me years ago might not know me the way I am today, and it’s okay. Stop chasing shadows of former moments, they don’t exist but in my memories. Seeking approval is nonsense. Asking for time spent together is nonsense when it’s only one of two who desire it. Let them go in peace.
- Be the light in the darkness. “Influence the energy in the room” instead of soaking it up when it is bad. Or walk away.
- Wisdow by Warren Buffett: “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.”
- It is not “new day,” “new week,” or “new month,” but “new moment.”
Improvements In The Past Three Months
Reading White Ice Fire made me realise there has been considerable progress both physically and mentally. I still type with one hand only (bahaha I wish for the day when the wrist strength is so good that it is possible *said with utmost love*,) but many things are far smaller challenges now:
- I take no medication, the pain is bearable, flares up only occasionally, and I feel good in general, blurry mind is gone
- Skin sensation has vastly improved even though several types of input aren’t processed correctly or adequately yet
- Underarm inward rotation is basically back to normal in terms of degree, but it doesn’t hold itself in that position at all times yet
- Underarm strength is acceptable, thumb is weakest of all
- Grip strength, hrm well, I still keep losing stuff but mostly when it’s something slippery like plastic
- Clothes are reasonably okay to put on now, nuisance at times due to the weak wrist
- I can form a cup of my hand for hair conditioner to stay and can wash hair reasonably well with two hands
- I CAN PUT MY HAIR UP IN A PONY TAIL!!!
- And I’ve driven a car twice so far, but no bike yet
- My finger nails keep chipping like nobody’s business still, but maybe they need to grow out fully (stopped medications in end of May)
- Cooking is re-heating stuff that my lovely sister keeps making for me, boiling pasta to eat with pesto from the jar, frying eggs in a blini pan, or eating veggies raw. And I carefully cut watermelons or galia melons with a chef’s knife, too.
- Stupid thoughts: there have been a few lows but nowhere as many as in spring
- Macramé: still on my mind
- Plants: one grew wildly and in a manner that wasn’t nice so I brutally chucked it out, but the rest are doing quite well, thank you for your interest, and I bought another one from Ikea
- Most moving boxes are packed up (moving in April was the third time within 1,5 years and I wouldn’t mind staying put for a while now, sigh)
- Asking for help: grr, I’m learning…
- Measurements: seeing my physiotherapist and ergotherapist about once monthly has been more support than a shrink could have been, because they measure me happily and I’m as freaking eager to hear the latest numbers as they are (pff, no dirty thoughts, silly!). An example is my thumb and its outermost phalanx, the part that is finger below the outermost joint: previously it had bent to 40 degrees and in June it was up on 70. They track for me and I rejoice in having something as tangible to lean on!
- Attitude: I’m easing into not knowing how much and when my nerves will be better. Hard? Yes, you have no idea. Oh well.
New Business And New Products Under Development
We started a business (aktiebolag, osakeyhtiö for those in Finland) with my dad and sister last year, Wemla, and while it is in the very start phase still, you’re welcome to follow along.
What this means for my own blog category Personal Branding & Entrepreneurship is that it will have focus on philosophical stuff around starting and running your own business, whereas practical and actionable skills to build a profitable business will be shared on the Wemla website.
As for products, I read of the GoodNotes app and digital planning (calendars, bujo, notebooks, keeping yourself organised) whilst in the hospital still. Digital notetaking has changed something on a profound level for me, even though I still prefer my paper calendar for daily stuff.
To keep myself accountable during my first, extremely tough months of physiotherapy, I created this template (see below) based on our meetings, what I got for “assignment” and to track other things such as when I was able to do my own hair the way I liked it, or when my lymph glove in gorgeous camel brown was washed the last time.
It is a screenshot taken inside the GoodNotes app on the iPad and the paper size I created the template on is A4, hence the slight margin on each side of the “paper.”
The stuff I tracked regularly in spring was status in underarm and fingers as well as the training I did (should do irregularly still) in the upper arm to open lymph vessels in particular, in underarm, and hand including wrist. Seeing blue dots appear in several if not all circles made me push on and my expensive Apple Pencil became a most appreciated tool.
In case you’re wondering about the technical stuff, I’m using iPad 6, Apple Pencil 1st generation, and GoodNotes 5.
This made me realise the huge potential of recording repetitive tasks digitally instead of on paper, of having your data with you wherever you go (GoodNotes is available for iPhone, too, although you need a “normal” stylus as Apple Pencil tech works differently compared to a smartphone screen), and of using your own handwriting digitally. It takes some getting used to, but typing on a tablet screen is comfortable and smooth.
I’m developing both printable and digital files as we speak to help you be a bit more organised in tracking your health stuff and managing your home. Similar products to cover entrepreneurial needs are soon to be launched on the Wemla website as well.
Some of this obviously stems in the fact that I was hospitalised and didn’t have all my bureaucratic matters organised as neatly as I would have wanted them to be. Add my own small business, our shared LLC, and stress is the first word that comes to mind. I, and we, don’t want you to be forced to face a similar situation ever. Requests will be welcome, but for now I invite you to ponder with me in the comments if you like! Have a beautiful day <3